by Iris Pachler, PhD
Since her divorce, people in Lillian’s life have said such things as “Be happy it’s over”, “Now you don’t have to put up with him anymore”, “Enjoy being single, I wish I had that type of freedom”. Lillian wants to punch these people, as all of these words are bullshit, they don’t describe her experience at all. She thought it would be just like any other relationship breakup she had experienced in the past, with the usual feelings of anger, sadness, even heartbreak, eventually simply being able to let go and move on. But here she is, feeling what can best be described as disorientation.
Yes, there are commonalities to a relationship breakup, especially a long-term relationship, but she is much more confused than she had ever been, doesn’t know who she is anymore, why she chose this person in the first place, how to be single when she was sure she would spend the rest of her life with the same person. Considering this confusion, Lillian’s post-divorce journey includes casual sex-dates, followed by more confusion, digging into her past and childhood for answers, and eventually the decision to attempt healing. Lillian has to find herself, understand her motivations, triggers, fears, insecurities. In short, this process is one, big, fat shit storm. Pride and pretences have to be left behind for Lillian to get in touch with her authentic, messy, and complicated self.
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